If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
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