I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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