Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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