it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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