You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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