You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize