What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize