Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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