Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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