I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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