just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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