I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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