party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize