My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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