perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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