I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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