So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you have feelings for this penis?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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