I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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