Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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