sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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