How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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