meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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