I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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