i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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