She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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