When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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