I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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