i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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