Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do herpes really smell.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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