Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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