Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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