i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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