I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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