i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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