I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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