End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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