then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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