I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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