I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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