I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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