3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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