she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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