id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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