My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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