I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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