You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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