: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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