the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize