Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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