Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
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Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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